Erev Rosh Hashanah Evening Sermon 2019

I have encountered many beautiful women in San Antonio, New York, and Los Angeles, and all of you are beautiful here today as well! This past month, I got to meet another beautiful woman as well, Miss Iraq.

You may have read about Sarah Idan, Miss Iraq 2017 made national headlines by

taking a selfie with Ms. Israel at the Miss Universe competition. She was immediately rebuked by the Iraqi government and the Arab world for recognizing someone from Israel. Despite the enormous pressure, she stood by her principles, realizing that we are all human beings and we should find a way to love each other in our hearts and our souls.

While I had followed the story initially, as with most of our news, it was out of the cycle within a week and I had honestly not thought about it again until a month ago.

At the AIPAC Rabbinic Symposium in DC, Sarah told her life story. She grew up in Iraq in the 1990s under the dictatorship of Sadam Hussein. After Sadam was captured, Sarah, as a 14 year old girl saw the American soldiers roll in helping Iraqis and became enamored with them. She self-taught herself English and at 15 and applied to be a translator for the Americans. You had to be 18 to be a translator. So, even with excellent English Sarah had to wait. On her 18th birthday she applied again and became a translator for the Americans, ultimately receiving a Green Card and settling in Los Angeles to study at University.

Fast forward a few years. Sarah’s sister convinced her to try out for the Miss America pageant as they wanted an Iraqi American represented in the pageant. She was one of many Iraqi girls trying out. She won not solely because of her beauty, but because of her answers to the importance of the current government taking time to actually help and understand her people to find the love that they seemed to have lost.

She not only won that pageant, but then was nominated to the Ms. Universe pageant. There she met Ms. Israel and developed a friendship. She realized in this moment that everything she had been taught in her childhood about hating Americans and Jews were all a giant fabrication. She realized that her mission was to teach the world that we can love one another, that we can find tolerance.

Sarah’s story did not end at that pageant. The Iraqi government revoked her citizenship over this incident of the selfie with Miss Israel, Sarah used this as an opportunity. As a

quick side note, Sarah pointed out to us the hypocrisy that the head of Isis, a venomous demon, is still allowed to be a citizen of Iraq, but she is not because she took a picture with someone from Israel!

Moving forward, Sarah went on a trip to Israel sponsored by AJC, the American Jewish Committee and saw first hand the only democracy in the Middle East, experiencing the camaraderie between her and her Jewish counterparts. She met Iraqi Jews who were expelled from Iraq simply because they were Jewish.

Sarah’s fame grew, and this past June, Sarah had the opportunity of a lifetime to speak in front of the UN Human Rights Council. She castigated the Arab world and called out the hypocrisy that the UN Human Rights Council brazenly claims Israel to be the greatest violator of human rights in the world!

Sarah found the love in her heart for Israel and the Jewish people, as a moderate Muslim from Iraq. She is so passionate that she has created a non-profit organization in Los Angeles to work directly on bringing humanity together today.

The former Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks says, “The highest achievement is not self-expression but self-limitation: making space for something other and different from us.”

Sarah’s quest is inspiring, but it got me thinking about the simple question for us: What is love?

Love can mean so many different things to so many of us. We love our family, our spouses, our friends.

If I think back to my relationships, I think about what love is and what it could mean for us.

As my colleague and friend Rabbi Brain Strauss reminded me last year, in Judaism, love isn’t an emotion. That fire I felt when we were first dating, it was simply that: emotional fire—infatuation.
From the excitement of dating a beautiful woman I felt like I could marry. But it wasn’t love.

Being sappy isn’t love either. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do.

Judaism see’s love not just as an intense feeling of deep affection. It’s not something we just feel inside.

No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. Let me say that again. Love is defined as giving.

As putting someone else’s needs above your own.

It’s a special feeling that moves us every day to do more and more for our loved one. Love is an action.
To love someone is to act upon feelings, to go above and beyond for the one we love.

Over years and years of a life together.
That’s real love, whether with a spouse, a relative, or a friend.

Rabbi Sacks adds, “The effort you put into something does not just change the object: it changes you. The greater the labour, the greater the love for what you have made.”

The Torah tells us in the book of Breishit that Isaac and Rebecca were married - Then they fell in love.

When I first got married, I thought the Torah got the order all wrong? Shouldn’t they be in love first then get married?

Then I realized what the Torah was teaching - All of us –
Once we get married, then the real test actually begins.
Can we find the most genuine, sincere, and deepest love possible? That which our tradition calls “covenantal love.”

An unending love that truly does last forever.
But can only be found through our actions, deeds, and conduct.

Contemporary Jewish marriage expert Lori Palatnik wrote: The more you give, the more you love.
Don’t wait to feel love and then give.

Give and give and give and then give some more, and that will bring you - Even more love.

I have been trying to follow that advice ever since.

When we are in any relationship, it is really just beginning, even if we have been friends or married for years. Each day we start anew.
Judaism has often recognized that feelings alone can often be deceptive. Sometimes, what we perceive as love may in fact be another emotion. But actions cannot be mistaken.

So, rather than ask, “Do I love my spouse or friend?” can we instead ask, “Do I perform acts of love for my spouse or friend?”
And “Does my spouse perform acts of love for me?”

In Judaism – In order for love to be real –It has to be expressed as an action.

Rabbi Sacks concludes, “In any relationship that matters to you, deliver praise daily. Seeing and praising the good in people makes them better people, makes you a better person, and strengthens the bond between you.”

Let us all be like Sarah Idan and find that time to connect on a deeper level, to find that love in one another in this New Year.

And yes, I did take my own selfie with Miss Iraq too!
Shanah Tovah U’Mitukah! To a Happy, Healthy, and Sweet New Year!